[on Lenny Bruce] This guy is the eighth wonder of the world. You have to go back to Mark Twain to find anything remotely like him. And if they don't kill him or throw him in jail, he's liable to shake up the whole country.

A Klaner (KKK) is a cat who gets out of bed in the middle of the night and takes his sheet with him.

For a black man, there's no difference between the North and the South. In the South, they don't mind how close I get, as long as I don't get too big. In the North, they don't mind how big I get, as long as I don't get too close.

To a heckler: Why do you heckle me? You want excitement? Go down to the NAACP and ask for the white washroom.

The NAACP is a wonderful organization. Belong to it myself. But do you realize if tomorrow morning we had complete integration, all them cats would be out of work?

People keep telling me about the white race and the black race - and it really doesn't make sense. I played Miami, met a fellow two shades darker than me - and his name was Ginsberg! Took my place in two sit-in demonstrations - nobody knew the difference. The he tried for a third lunch counter and blew the whole bit... asked for blintzes.