[on Simon Cowell] Everything he is in turns to gold but to me he doesn't love TV and he looks upon it as a way to make money. He seems like a terrible producer. Every time he talks about TV I think, 'Mate, you don't know what you're talking about.' He's fantastic on screen - what a great pantomime villain. But making hit telly is difficult, and if you look at it in percentage terms he doesn't have a great track record. Although he does have great producers working for him.

The overnights answer all the questions that can sometimes leave us baffled about television. Why did that show I love get axed? Why does that show I hate keep returning? How does Piers Morgan keep getting work?

There are two dreaded words that pretty much decide everything you ever watch on British television. And no, those words aren't "Jeremy Clarkson". They are words you may not have heard before, but words that make every TV producer, commissioner, presenter and advertiser shake with fear. I'm talking about "The Overnights".