[on Wayne LaPierre of the National Rife Association] In the embarrassing culture war of politically correct denial that runs amok today, there is an American warrior, a common man who who represents common sense and self-evident truth, and he is Wayne LaPierre. On behalf of the millions of Americans who still believe in God-given, constitutionally guaranteed individual rights, Wayne stands firm against the insidious tsunami of dangerous anticonstitutional furor that would further infringe on our sacred Second Amendment. Wayne is a sledgehammer for truth, logic and freedom. He is cut from the same cloth as our forefathers who stood on the Concord bridge and risked all to give birth to a truly free, independent America. Wayne's voice is the modern shot heard round the world.

I don't pay to have my dirty work done for me. I do it myself.

I think you should ride the line between fatigue and chaos. The chaos keeps the energy level and spontaneity maximized, while fatigue is just over the edge, and you should try to avoid it.

My confidence level is insane. If there is one thing I am, it's always right. I consider myself a true liberal. I am armed in order to stop good people being destroyed by bad people. Liberalism is assisting quality of life, whatever you may choose. I think that homosexuality is wrong. I think that people who drink, smoke and take drugs are doing wrong. But I'll tell you how I judge people. The people that ran up those burning towers on September 11 were my heroes. And among those warriors who ran back to save their fellow human beings, you know what there were? Homosexuals. Smokers. Drinkers. People I wouldn't agree with on numerous conduct levels. I judge people on this: are they in the asset column, or the liability column?

I say that I want the rape victim to shoot the rapist. All good people want rape to stop.

[on deer] They're only interested in three things: the best place to eat, having sex and how quickly they can run away. Much like the French.

I visited Saddam Hussein's master war room. It was a glorious moment. It looked like something out of Star Wars (1977). I saw his gold toilet. I shit in his bidet.

[on Iraq] Our failure has been not to Nagasaki them.

[on Muzak] It's an evil force in today's society, causing people to lapse into uncontrollable fits of blandness. It's been responsible for ruining some of the best minds of our generation.

Basically, I'm just an erector set looking for some volts.

You've got to kill it, before you grill it