[on Roseanne] She actually had 'Property of Tom Arnold' tattooed on her hip, which made me the fourth largest property-owner in California.

Environmentalists have a very conflicted relationship with their cars.

(On his bit part in Austin Powers: International Man Of Mystery) I got a call from Demi Moore, who produced it, and she said, "I've got this scene and I want you to do it, I can't think of anyone in the world but you to play this character," and I said, "Sure, send it over," and it was guy taking a dump. I thought, "You know, she really has a high opinion of me." I went down and everyone was supporting Mike Myers-he had a flop, which I can relate to, on a movie after Saturday Night Live, you know, So I Married An Axe Murderer. He had this character and everybody wanted to support him, which is what once in a while the comedy world does, it's nice. I went down, kind of ad-libbed my way through it. Jay Roach, it was his first movie, and he's gone on to big giant things, so has Mike. So I spent a day messing around and having fun. It's funny, because you can work one day and make more of a splash than working six months on something else, like McHale's Navy, for instance.

(On his film, Touch) At that time I needed to do something different. I bombed in starring roles in the comedies I'd done. It was an opportunity to work with Christopher Walken and Paul Schrader. It was also an opportunity to prove myself a little to people, which I needed to do. Of course, like everything else, at the end of the movie I found out nobody wanted me in the movie, and they all teamed up, but they had to have me to be the last piece in the puzzle to get the financing. They were grateful at the end, but in the beginning they were not for it, and that's the story of my life.

(On landing True Lies) They had literally seen every character actor in town, and it was the last day and (James) Cameron was still looking, they hadn't found the third person for this movie. I was going to leave my agency, so they set up a meeting with Jim Cameron, like a last-ditch Hail Mary. They begged him to just see me so I'd stay at the agency. Because where I went, my ex-wife went, so it was a big thing to them. So I went down and met Cameron. I didn't even prepare, I didn't even read the sides because I knew I wasn't going to get it, once I saw the role was so big and it wasn't just a bartender. I was happy to be a bartender in a movie with Dustin Hoffman, because I got scenes with Dustin Hoffman-that was my only reference, the only movie stuff I'd done. So when I saw the role was big I thought, "There's no way I'm going to get this, so why even learn the sides and then be disappointed. I just want to meet Jim Cameron, the Terminator guy." I went down and we talked a little bit, and we hit it off personally, and then he said, "While you're here why don't you read." I go, "Well...." He goes, "You didn't even look at it did you?" But I said, "I'll give it a shot." So I read a little bit and then Cameron said, "Get Arnold down here." Then five minutes later Arnold's in there, which was amazing on its own, and we just start doing the scene and pushing each other away to see who could get to the camera. And he says, "Okay you got the role, but you can't tell anybody for two weeks." Of course I went home and told everybody, but nobody believed me. It was too unbelievable, but then it happened. Here's the thing: At the time, because of the divorce and the publicity, when the movie was getting ready to come out they couldn't put me in the trailer, because when they tested it people would come into the theater and up on the screen it would say "a movie from Jim Cameron" and everybody would go crazy. Arnold Schwarzenegger is in it: yay! Jamie Lee Curtis: yay! Tom Arnold: boo. They literally would boo, but at the end when they filled out the cards, my score was the highest score. So it literally, in the hour and a half or two hours of this film, changed my life.

(On his film, Big Bully) I read the script, and it seemed good. It seemed like it might be a touching metaphor for what was going on in the world, but I'm not so sure it turned out that way. At that time, when I started to get offered lead roles in movies, I didn't know how to say no...I don't think Rick Moranis liked me. I don't think he appreciated me. I don't blame him. You know, just because someone doesn't like me doesn't mean that I don't like them and support them. I know Rick came out with a country album a few years ago, and I was like, "Yeah!" Sometimes they don't even realize they don't like me until it's too late. I just assume that people do for some reason.

The nature of show business is people within the business feel that if someone else fails, they move up a notch