[on Donald J. Trump's spat with the cast of "Hamilton"] Not since John F. Kennedy had that very public feud with the cast of "Bye Bye Birdie" has there been such venom between Broadway and the White House.

[on the reason for Donald Trump's praise of Vladimir Putin] Maybe he is afraid Putin will cut off his supply of wives.

You know what the most dangerous neighborhood in the country is right now? The comments section on every webpage... No sane person would ever say the kind of things that they write online to someone face-to-face. If you did, you'd get killed.

[to Rob Ford, mayor of Toronto] How much crack does a mayor have to smoke to win Person of the Year?

[on the premiere of Jimmy Kimmel Live! (2003)] It's insane that America votes for Jay. It's my biggest fear. Everybody says it's going to be great; everybody is positive. But in a world where Jay Leno beats David Letterman every night, you can't be sure of anything. You really can't.

[on Conan O'Brien] When Conan first came on, I thought, This guy is going to be great. A lot of silly and smart stuff. I thought, When this guy smoothes out, he's going to be real good. He never smoothed out.

[on competing against Late Show with David Letterman (1993)] I really would feel badly if I cut into David Letterman But I figure this: The people who like Leno are largely the stupid group. The people who root for Letterman are the smarter group. The people who like me? Also stupid. I figure I cut into the dummies.

[on Late Night with David Letterman (1982)] Really, the reason I got into show business is I wanted to be David Letterman's friend. There are kids in high school, and this guy's a baseball player, this guy's on the wrestling team, this guy is really smart. I was the guy who watched David Letterman. I watched every night on a little black-and-white TV at my desk. I wanted to be an artist at that point, so I'd draw and watch the show all night.

[on Jimmy Kimmel Live! (2003)] I want to do the comedy version of The Tonight Show.

[on Jay Leno] Leno was so great when he was a guest on Letterman. Great, great. I just think he's worked it too hard. I think he turned comedy into factory work -- and it comes across. It's just amazing how insecure he is.

[on ridiculing Jay Leno during his appearance on The Jay Leno Show (2009)] It was probably my proudest moment. People, it turns out, really don't like Jay Leno. We have not spoken since that time.

[on Jay Leno] Fuck him. I impersonated him on my show and it was the most fun I've ever had on my show.