Capt. S. Melly : You up there! What's your name? Bombardier Ready : Ready, sir. Capt. S. Melly : Ready? Ready... Willing... Able... This is ridiculous. [Ready twitches]  Capt. S. Melly : What are you doing? Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : [shouts]  Twitching, Sir! Capt. S. Melly : I can see that Sergeant Major, but why is he twitching? Bombardier Ready : It's me nerves, Sir! Capt. S. Melly : Trying to twitch your ticket, eh? Well, it won't work, Bombardier. You're in the army for the duration. Twitch your way out of that! [Bombardier Ready keeps twitching]  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : Twitch off! [Leans closer]  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : Wasted on me, boy! Capt. S. Melly : Good man, and what's your name? Gunner Shorthouse : Gunner Shorthouse. [Melly reacts]  Gunner Shorthouse : Gunner Shorthouse, Sir, that's my name! [Melly moves along the line]  Capt. S. Melly : And what is your name, my man? Er... woman. Pvt. Ffoukes Sharpe : Jennifer Ffoukes Sharpe, Sir, the Sharpe with an E and two F's in the Ffoukes. How do you do? [Pvt Ffoukes crushes Capt S. Melly's hand while shaking it]  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : [Leaning in]  She too is also a ball squeezer, Sir. Capt. S. Melly : Do your shoelace up and look sharp about it, Sharpe. [She does so. before grabbing Sgt Maj Bloomer's leg and biting it]  Pvt. Ffoukes Sharpe : [Standing up]  Oh, Tiger! I think you wonderful. When are you going to savage me? Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : If only you was a man I would sort you out! Capt. S. Melly : [Pointing to Pvt. Owen's foot]  Well, you seem to have put your foot in it! Gunner Owen : Not so much my foot, Sir, more my big toe. Capt. S. Melly : What's wrong with your big toe? Gunner Owen : Sprained it, Sir, didn't I, when I fell out of bed. Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : [shouts]  Pushed out of bed, more like! Capt. S. Melly : [Turns to Bloomer]  Pushed out of bed, Sgt Maj?