Doctor : I'm sorry, was Mr. Troy a friend of yours? Sgt. Joe Friday : No sir, we hardly knew him.

Captain R.A. Lohrman : What about the victim, you think Starkey was in trouble? Sgt. Joe Friday : He was at 4 o'clock this afternoon.

Max Troy : You got nothing to take to court! You got a phone number, it don't prove up. I could write down Eisenhower and it don't prove up for twenty cents. That's all the evidence you got, you take it downtown and they won't let you in the washroom with it! Now get off my back and hand me that ashtray! Sgt. Joe Friday : You've got the Cadillac - drive over and get it!

[an eyewitness is afraid to testify]  Jesse Quinn : Mr. Friday, I'd like to ask you a question. If you was me, would you do it? Sgt. Joe Friday : Can I wait awhile? Jesse Quinn : Huh? Sgt. Joe Friday : Before I'm you.

Max Troy : Now you listen to me, cop, I pay your salary! Sgt. Joe Friday : All right, sit down, I'm gonna earn it!

Sgt. Joe Friday : [as Troy's friend starts to stand up]  Unless you're growin', Sit down!

[Friday has unsuccessfully interrogated Chester Davitt]  Captain James E. Hamilton, Intelligence : He won't cop out. Sgt. Joe Friday : He can smell the gas.

[Hamilton and Friday read the Dead Body, or DB, Report on Miller Starkey]  Captain James E. Hamilton, Intelligence : Shotgun, extreme close range, double-O. Starkey was hit four times, first two cut him in half. Sgt. Joe Friday : The second two turned him into a crowd.

Max Troy : This gonna take long? Sgt. Joe Friday : You've got the time. Max Troy : Mine's worth money, yours isn't! Sgt. Joe Friday : Send in a bill. Max Troy : I asked you a question! Sgt. Joe Friday : You're here to answer 'em, not ask 'em! Max Troy : Now, listen to me, Cop. I pay your salary. Sgt. Joe Friday : All right, sit down. I'm gonna earn it. Max Troy : You already have, the kind of money you make. What do they pay you to carry that badge around, 40 cents an hour? Sgt. Joe Friday : You sit down! That badge pays 464 dollars a month. That's what the job's worth. I knew that when I hired on. $67.40 comes out with withholding. I give $27.84 for pension and 12 bucks for widows and orphans. That leaves me with $356.76. That badge is worth a dollar 82 an hour so Mister, better settle back into that chair because I'm about to blow about 20 bucks of it right now.