Sid Fiddler : Connie, have you got a room for this young lady please? Connie Philpotts : Well, of course, Sidney! [Handing over the key]  Connie Philpotts : I think you'll find this an ideal one. Sid Fiddler : Thank you, Connie. Hey, just a minute, that's for the broom cupboard. Connie Philpotts : That's right: where we keep all the scrubbers! Sid Fiddler : [to a furious Hope]  All right, all right, keep your hair on! [Hands her another key]  Sid Fiddler : Here, go and change in mine. I'll sort it out later. Hope Springs : Ta. I heard that - does she fancy you or something? Sid Fiddler : You know how it is, a widow with a place like this, things get on top of her. Hope Springs : Yeah, I bet they do. Frequently!

Ida Downs : Oh! You're a dirty old man! Admiral : [to Connie]  Mrs. Philpotts, I wish to complain. This young woman molested me. Ida Downs : Well, I like that! Admiral : Whether you like it or not, my dear, is quite immaterial. Sid Fiddler : [to Ida]  Yes, all right, darling, I'll sort it out. Admiral : Cheeky little thing! I'd like to put her across my knee. Connie Philpotts : I'm sure you would, Admiral!

Ida Downs : What do you want us to wear? Sid Fiddler : Oh, anything that brings out your best... points Miss...? Ida Downs : Downs, Ida Downs. Sid Fiddler : Ah, I bet you come from Beds. Ida Downs : No - Bristol. Sid Fiddler : I should have guessed. Ida Downs : I've got a rather smashing two-piece swimsuit. Sid Fiddler : Great - just wear one piece of that! Ida Downs : Will they publish pictures like that? Larry : Not in my paper!

Connie Philpotts : You and a bunch of beauty queens? It's like asking Dracula to be in charge of a blood bank! Sid Fiddler : Now, now, wait a minute, that's not true. You know I don't go for beautiful women: I like you. Connie Philpotts : That does it! Go on! You lecherous so-and-so, go on, GET OUT!

Augusta Prodworthy : And since I am strongly of the opinion that we are already providing more than enough entertainment for visitors, I wish to propose the motion that the provision of more would be detrimental to the good name of the borough. Sid Fiddler : Knickers! Mayor Frederick Bumble : Please, Councillor! I should strike that from the minutes, Miss Drew. Miss Drew : Ah, I beg your pardon, your worship? Mayor Frederick Bumble : Don't take down 'knickers'. Sid Fiddler : Chance would be a fine thing, wouldn't it, love? Mayor Frederick Bumble : Councillor Fiddler, I really must request you moderate your language while in committee. Augusta Prodworthy : I second that. Sid Fiddler : I do beg the Committee's pardon, your worship. But all this bleedin' codswollop about mucking up the good name of the borough gets on my wick! Miss Drew : Should I...? Mayor Frederick Bumble : No, no!

Connie Philpotts : It's your girls I'm talking about, I've heard them all night long, doors banging ... Sid Fiddler : Blimey, when you've got young dollies around you have to expect a bit of banging. Connie Philpotts : Well, I expect you to get them into bed at a reasonable hour. Sid Fiddler : I promise you, I'll do my very best!

Hope Springs : It's not her fault she has to wear a falsie. Sid Fiddler : What do you mean, "a" falsie? Hope Springs : She's got one bigger than the other. Sid Fiddler : Is that right? Hope Springs : No, left.