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Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Randy Marsh, Mr. Garrison, Mr. Mackey, Clyde, Jimmy Valmer, Officer Barbrady, News Reporter, TV Announcer...
Cartman : We have Crab People.
Cartman : We have Crab People.
Stan : It's always interesting to hear from Famous People. Wendy : Hitler was famous too.
Stan : It's always interesting to hear from Famous People. Wendy : Hitler was famous too.
Garrison : [Presidential Rally] Yeah! Fuck 'em all to Death!
Garrison : [Presidential Rally] Yeah! Fuck 'em all to Death!
Randy Marsh : If Saddam Hussein is making weapons then we have to stop him... with our weapons.
Randy Marsh : If Saddam Hussein is making weapons then we have to stop him... with our weapons.
Garrison : Just remember, there are no stupid questions, only stupid people.
Garrison : Just remember, there are no stupid questions, only stupid people.
Stephen Stotch : Don't talk back Butters, go to your room! I don't know what's wrong with that boy. It can't be our parenting, we're awesome! He must have some kind of mental illness...
Stephen Stotch : Don't talk back Butters, go to your room! I don't know what's wrong with that boy. It can't be our parenting, we're awesome! He must have some kind of mental illness...
Cartman : Oh, Kyle, you just made a huge withdrawal at the First Bank of Lies.
Cartman : Oh, Kyle, you just made a huge withdrawal at the First Bank of Lies.
Mr. Garrison : Anyway, children, as I was saying, the Hare Krishna's are totally gay.
Mr. Garrison : Anyway, children, as I was saying, the Hare Krishna's are totally gay.
[theme song] Les Claypool : I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time! Stan , Kyle : Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation! Les Claypool : I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind! Cartman : Ample parking day or night, people spouting: "Howdy, neighbor!" Les Claypool : I'm headin' down to South Park, gonna s...
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[theme song] Les Claypool : I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time! Stan , Kyle : Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation! Les Claypool : I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind! Cartman : Ample parking day or night, people spouting: "Howdy, neighbor!" Les Claypool : I'm headin' down to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind! Kenny : [indistinct mumbling] Les Claypool : So come on down to South Park, and meet some friends of mine!
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Mr. Garrison : Now a haiku is just like a good old-fashioned American Poem, except that it's completely stupid.
Mr. Garrison : Now a haiku is just like a good old-fashioned American Poem, except that it's completely stupid.
[repeated line] Stephen Stotch : Butters... You are GROUNDED!
[repeated line] Stephen Stotch : Butters... You are GROUNDED!
Stan Marsh : This is hopeless. We're just going to have to face that the commercialism has been sucked out of Christmas.
Stan Marsh : This is hopeless. We're just going to have to face that the commercialism has been sucked out of Christmas.
Token Williams : Jesse Jackson is not the emperor of black people! Stan : [confused] He told my dad that he is...
Token Williams : Jesse Jackson is not the emperor of black people! Stan : [confused] He told my dad that he is...
[repeated line] Stan : You know, I learned something today.
[repeated line] Stan : You know, I learned something today.
Cartman : The wrong bus home and ended up in Rancho de Burritos Rojos, south of Castle Rock, and finally got a ride home with a man who was missing his left index finger, named Gary Bushwell, arriving home at 11:46.
Cartman : The wrong bus home and ended up in Rancho de Burritos Rojos, south of Castle Rock, and finally got a ride home with a man who was missing his left index finger, named Gary Bushwell, arriving home at 11:46.
Mr. Garrison : You little turds, you ruined my life for the last time
Mr. Garrison : You little turds, you ruined my life for the last time
Mr. Garrison : Well, damn it, Eric, don't you have some smart-ass thing to say?
Mr. Garrison : Well, damn it, Eric, don't you have some smart-ass thing to say?
Cartman : OK, that's enough fat-ass jokes for this week.
Cartman : OK, that's enough fat-ass jokes for this week.
Mr. Garrison : Mr. Slave, did you finish taking attendance? Mr. Slave : All done-sy wun-sy.
Mr. Garrison : Mr. Slave, did you finish taking attendance? Mr. Slave : All done-sy wun-sy.
Stan : Guys, we have no choice. We're gonna have to move away. Environmental activists don't use logic or reason.
Stan : Guys, we have no choice. We're gonna have to move away. Environmental activists don't use logic or reason.
Timmy : GOBBLES.
Timmy : GOBBLES.
Cartman : Oh, this is a democratic boy band, is it?
Cartman : Oh, this is a democratic boy band, is it?
Eric Cartman : Come on Kyle. Just because your mom is a bitch doesn't mean that we all have to suffer.
Eric Cartman : Come on Kyle. Just because your mom is a bitch doesn't mean that we all have to suffer.
Terrance : Hey Phillip, guess what? Phillip : What? Terrance : [Farts] Farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt.
Terrance : Hey Phillip, guess what? Phillip : What? Terrance : [Farts] Farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt.
[repeated line] Cartman : Butters, what the hell are you doing?
[repeated line] Cartman : Butters, what the hell are you doing?
Mr. Garrison : What do you think, Mr. Marsh? You ready to put a down payment on that baby? Randy Marsh : Well yeah, but I just had one question about how it works. Well, it seems all the buttons on these front and rear flexi-grips are also found on the side of the vehicle. Mr. Garrison : Yep. Randy Marsh : So, they don't really do anything. Mr. Garrison : Ri...
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Mr. Garrison : What do you think, Mr. Marsh? You ready to put a down payment on that baby? Randy Marsh : Well yeah, but I just had one question about how it works. Well, it seems all the buttons on these front and rear flexi-grips are also found on the side of the vehicle. Mr. Garrison : Yep. Randy Marsh : So, they don't really do anything. Mr. Garrison : Right. Randy Marsh : So then, couldn't I just order one that works without going in and out of my ass and mouth? Mr. Garrison : [pause] ... Well, I guess you could. Customers : Huh? What's that? What'd he say?
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[the boys are outside building a snowman] Stan : I have a button we can use for his nose. Kenny : [Mumbling] Kyle : What would we use a marble-sack for?
[the boys are outside building a snowman] Stan : I have a button we can use for his nose. Kenny : [Mumbling] Kyle : What would we use a marble-sack for?
Jimmy : Knock, knock. Cartman : Who's there? Jimmy : Interrupting cow. Cartman : Interrupting cow wh... Jimmy : [interrupting] Mooo!
Jimmy : Knock, knock. Cartman : Who's there? Jimmy : Interrupting cow. Cartman : Interrupting cow wh... Jimmy : [interrupting] Mooo!
Eric Cartman : [Cartman tries to get invited to the girls' party] [in a false girl's voice] Eric Cartman : "Oooh, there's Cartman, we should invite him to the party for sure... " [as himself] Eric Cartman : Fuck you, May, fuck you, Annie, fuck you, BeBe, fuck you, whatever your name is, and fuck you, bitch!
Eric Cartman : [Cartman tries to get invited to the girls' party] [in a false girl's voice] Eric Cartman : "Oooh, there's Cartman, we should invite him to the party for sure... " [as himself] Eric Cartman : Fuck you, May, fuck you, Annie, fuck you, BeBe, fuck you, whatever your name is, and fuck you, bitch!
Cartman : The rest of you go get the goods on Stan. His mom grounded him once for setting something on fire. Let's find out what that something was and then lie and say it was a puppy.
Cartman : The rest of you go get the goods on Stan. His mom grounded him once for setting something on fire. Let's find out what that something was and then lie and say it was a puppy.
Eric Cartman : [after Bebe gets boobs] Well, fuck you, Stan, fuck you, Kyle, and [shouts] Eric Cartman : fucky you, Kenny! Bebe, you're still cool!
Eric Cartman : [after Bebe gets boobs] Well, fuck you, Stan, fuck you, Kyle, and [shouts] Eric Cartman : fucky you, Kenny! Bebe, you're still cool!
Mrs Crabtree : Hurry up! We're running late. Stan : Ahh we're always running late, you fat hog. Mrs Crabtree : What did you say? Stan : I wish I could go to Prauge! Mrs Crabtree : Yeah. Me too.
Mrs Crabtree : Hurry up! We're running late. Stan : Ahh we're always running late, you fat hog. Mrs Crabtree : What did you say? Stan : I wish I could go to Prauge! Mrs Crabtree : Yeah. Me too.
Cartman : Oh, look what I did with Kyle's money. I had it changed into singles so I could roll around in it like this. Oh, Kyle's money.
Cartman : Oh, look what I did with Kyle's money. I had it changed into singles so I could roll around in it like this. Oh, Kyle's money.
Eric Cartman : I got my period.
Eric Cartman : I got my period.
Stan : Oh my god! They killed Kenny. Kyle : [unenthusiastically] You bastard.
Stan : Oh my god! They killed Kenny. Kyle : [unenthusiastically] You bastard.
Cartman : I have never in my life done anything just for the money! If I'm lying may the Lord strike me down right now! Butters : Uh oh. [He slowly backs away from Cartman in fear]
Cartman : I have never in my life done anything just for the money! If I'm lying may the Lord strike me down right now! Butters : Uh oh. [He slowly backs away from Cartman in fear]
Cartman : ...my mom lied to me just like your parents lied to you and now where poor like Kenny's family [Kenny walks over to comfort Cartman] Cartman : Don't touch me Kenny.
Cartman : ...my mom lied to me just like your parents lied to you and now where poor like Kenny's family [Kenny walks over to comfort Cartman] Cartman : Don't touch me Kenny.
Cartman : Well God, I guess you got me again, didn't you? Yeah, that was a good one, God. Hope it made you laugh, you sick bastard.
Cartman : Well God, I guess you got me again, didn't you? Yeah, that was a good one, God. Hope it made you laugh, you sick bastard.
KKK Leader : White power! White power! Mr. Garrison : [as Mr. Hat] White power! [as Mr. Garrison] Mr. Garrison : Oh, I'm sorry, Chef, Mr. Hat is a racist son of a bitch. [as Mr. Hat] Mr. Garrison : Don't apologize for me to that spear chucker. [as Mr. Garrison; gasps] Mr. Garrison : Mr. Hat! [runs] Mr. Garrison : Aaah!
KKK Leader : White power! White power! Mr. Garrison : [as Mr. Hat] White power! [as Mr. Garrison] Mr. Garrison : Oh, I'm sorry, Chef, Mr. Hat is a racist son of a bitch. [as Mr. Hat] Mr. Garrison : Don't apologize for me to that spear chucker. [as Mr. Garrison; gasps] Mr. Garrison : Mr. Hat! [runs] Mr. Garrison : Aaah!
Cartman : Butters, remind me to cut your balls off later.
Cartman : Butters, remind me to cut your balls off later.
[repeated line] Stan : Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here.
[repeated line] Stan : Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here.
Mrs. Marsh : Hello, Mrs. Brovlowski, this is Stan's mom. I was wondering if you might know why my son is trying to split his head open with an ice pick. Stan : Aaaah. I have to get it out.
Mrs. Marsh : Hello, Mrs. Brovlowski, this is Stan's mom. I was wondering if you might know why my son is trying to split his head open with an ice pick. Stan : Aaaah. I have to get it out.
[repeated line] City Wok Owner : Welcome to Shitty Wok! [meant as City Wok]
[repeated line] City Wok Owner : Welcome to Shitty Wok! [meant as City Wok]
[walking up to a crucified Cartman] Officer Barbrady : T. T is for turtle.
[walking up to a crucified Cartman] Officer Barbrady : T. T is for turtle.
Mr. Garrison : Don't lie, Stan. Lying makes you sterile.
Mr. Garrison : Don't lie, Stan. Lying makes you sterile.
Cartman : You so much as TOUCH kitty's ass, and I'll put a firecracker in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants. Stan : Jesus, Cartman. Cartman : Well, I'm just sayn', man, seriously, don't mess with kitty, man.
Cartman : You so much as TOUCH kitty's ass, and I'll put a firecracker in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants. Stan : Jesus, Cartman. Cartman : Well, I'm just sayn', man, seriously, don't mess with kitty, man.
Timmy : TIMAH.
Timmy : TIMAH.
Garrison : You go to hell. You go to hell and you die.
Garrison : You go to hell. You go to hell and you die.
Newscaster Ned : If irony was made of strawberries, we'd all be drinking a lot of smoothies right now.
Newscaster Ned : If irony was made of strawberries, we'd all be drinking a lot of smoothies right now.
Stan : Wow, cartoons are getting really dirty.
Stan : Wow, cartoons are getting really dirty.
Cartman : Naw dude, independent films are those black and white hippy movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.
Cartman : Naw dude, independent films are those black and white hippy movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.
Cartman : I'm not fat, I'm festively plump.
Cartman : I'm not fat, I'm festively plump.
Kenny : And what I think, basically, is that when you let what you watch be under your parents' control, television sucks. Television sucks because parents get offended because they rely on television as a babysitter for their kids. Stan : Totally, dude. Kyle : Good point, man.
Kenny : And what I think, basically, is that when you let what you watch be under your parents' control, television sucks. Television sucks because parents get offended because they rely on television as a babysitter for their kids. Stan : Totally, dude. Kyle : Good point, man.
Satan : Saddam. But... I killed you. Saddam Hussein : Well where was I supposed to go, Detroit?
Satan : Saddam. But... I killed you. Saddam Hussein : Well where was I supposed to go, Detroit?
Stan : Jimmy, will you go talk to Wendy for me? Jimmy : F-F-for wh-what? Stan : Just go talk to her, and be poetic. Tell her she's my muse. No, tell her... tell her... she's a continuing source of inspiration to me. Jimmy : She's what? Stan : She's a continuing source of inspiration to me. Jimmy : Okay. Hey, W- Hey, Wendy. Wendy : Yeah? Jimmy : Stan says you...
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Stan : Jimmy, will you go talk to Wendy for me? Jimmy : F-F-for wh-what? Stan : Just go talk to her, and be poetic. Tell her she's my muse. No, tell her... tell her... she's a continuing source of inspiration to me. Jimmy : She's what? Stan : She's a continuing source of inspiration to me. Jimmy : Okay. Hey, W- Hey, Wendy. Wendy : Yeah? Jimmy : Stan says you're a cont... you're a cont... Stan says you're a cont- cont... [sounds like "cunt"] Wendy : Well, tell Stan to fuck off! [walks away] Jimmy : [continues] ... cont... You're a continuing source of inspiration to him.
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Cartman : Kenny's family is so poor, they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage.
Cartman : Kenny's family is so poor, they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage.
Cartman : Don't worry, Tweek. Your family can go on welfare. Kenny's family's on welfare and they're happy, isn't that right, Kenny? Kenny : [muffled] Fuck you.
Cartman : Don't worry, Tweek. Your family can go on welfare. Kenny's family's on welfare and they're happy, isn't that right, Kenny? Kenny : [muffled] Fuck you.
Stan : Oh my god. Jay Leno's chin killed Kenny. Kyle : You bastard. Jay Leno : Ah, who cares? He dies every episode.
Stan : Oh my god. Jay Leno's chin killed Kenny. Kyle : You bastard. Jay Leno : Ah, who cares? He dies every episode.
Cartman : Why don't we all sing, "Kyle's Mom is a Stupid Bitch" in D-minor?
Cartman : Why don't we all sing, "Kyle's Mom is a Stupid Bitch" in D-minor?
Eric Cartman : Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness! Yummy!
Eric Cartman : Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness! Yummy!
Stan : We're not getting on, you fat ugly bitch. Mrs. Crabtree : [shouting] What did you say? Stan : I said, "We're not getting on, you fat ugly bitch." Mrs. Crabtree : Oh. Kyle : Whoa, dude. Stan : I always wondered if that would work.
Stan : We're not getting on, you fat ugly bitch. Mrs. Crabtree : [shouting] What did you say? Stan : I said, "We're not getting on, you fat ugly bitch." Mrs. Crabtree : Oh. Kyle : Whoa, dude. Stan : I always wondered if that would work.
Eric Cartman : I'm not fat, I just haven't grown into my body yet you skinny bitch. Mr. Garrison : Eric. If you call Wendy a bitch one more time I'm sending you to the principal's office. [beat] Eric Cartman : Bitch. Mr. Garrison : That's it Eric, you... Eric Cartman : I'm going.
Eric Cartman : I'm not fat, I just haven't grown into my body yet you skinny bitch. Mr. Garrison : Eric. If you call Wendy a bitch one more time I'm sending you to the principal's office. [beat] Eric Cartman : Bitch. Mr. Garrison : That's it Eric, you... Eric Cartman : I'm going.
Tweek : But what if I'm trying to put on the nose, the snowman comes alive and tries to kill me? Stan : Tweek, when has that ever happened, except for that one time?
Tweek : But what if I'm trying to put on the nose, the snowman comes alive and tries to kill me? Stan : Tweek, when has that ever happened, except for that one time?
Stan : [with a sigh, calmly] Oh, my God, we killed Kenny. Kyle : [shouts] We killed Kenny? Stan : Yup. We're bastards.
Stan : [with a sigh, calmly] Oh, my God, we killed Kenny. Kyle : [shouts] We killed Kenny? Stan : Yup. We're bastards.
Kyle : We're guys, dude. We find something about all our friends to rip on. We made fun of you for being rich for the same reason we rip on Butters for being wimpy. Stan : And we rip on Kyle for being a Jew. Kyle : And Stan for being in love with Wendy. And Cartman for being fat. And Cartman for being stupid. And Cartman for having a whore for a mom. And Car...
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Kyle : We're guys, dude. We find something about all our friends to rip on. We made fun of you for being rich for the same reason we rip on Butters for being wimpy. Stan : And we rip on Kyle for being a Jew. Kyle : And Stan for being in love with Wendy. And Cartman for being fat. And Cartman for being stupid. And Cartman for having a whore for a mom. And Cartman for being a sadistic asshole. Cartman : Hey. You did me already.
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Cartman : I'm not fat, I'm big-boned. Stan : No, Jay Leno's chin is big-boned. You are a big fat ass.
Cartman : I'm not fat, I'm big-boned. Stan : No, Jay Leno's chin is big-boned. You are a big fat ass.
Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Randy Marsh, Mr. Garrison, Mr. Mackey, Clyde, Jimmy Valmer, Officer Barbrady, News Reporter, TV Announcer...
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