Ted is the lawyer at Sacred Heart, who's job includes defending the hospital and staff against claims of malpractice. He is very bad at his job, and has been promised by Dr Kelso that he will get real business cards when he 'wins a case'. Ted is pushed around and insulted by most of the hospital's staff, especially Dr Kelso, who goes out of his way to make Ted's life difficult, and Dr Cox, both of whom know Ted hates them but also know he does not have the courage to do anything about it.Ted is depressed and suicidal because of his wife and family leaving him for his brother, who has hair, and because of his treatment at the hospital. He regularly goes to the roof of the hospital and persuades himself to jump- he has once, however a large pile of trash, hidden by Janitor, broke his fall. He lives with his mother and shares a bed with her: his love life (and indeed social life) is non-existent except when he slept with a patient who didn't want to die a virgin. Also, in season 8 he begins dating the pediatric ukulele player. Stephanie Gooch. Ted is friends with most of the outcasts of the hospital, such as Doug, The Todd and Janitor, and sits with them in the cafeteria.Ted is part of an a capella group, called The Worthless Peons, which consists of three other hospital employees from 'legal, accounting, shipping and receiving, and online property management including pest control, night time security and non-arboreal gardening services'. Dr Kelso lets the band practice at night in the hospital, and has played at Turk and Carla's wedding and reception.