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Jane Goodale
Jane : Morning Eddie! What's that on your neck? Eddie : I bit myself shaving.
Jane : Morning Eddie! What's that on your neck? Eddie : I bit myself shaving.
Jane : What's going on? Stephen, Alice's Husband : [holding a hypodermic needle over an orange] Dr. Lipshick started your sister on injections? Jane : Of orange juice?
Jane : What's going on? Stephen, Alice's Husband : [holding a hypodermic needle over an orange] Dr. Lipshick started your sister on injections? Jane : Of orange juice?
Jane : Remember last week when we were laughing at that graffiti on the subway? Liz : "Baby, I loves the toilet you sit on"?
Jane : Remember last week when we were laughing at that graffiti on the subway? Liz : "Baby, I loves the toilet you sit on"?
Jane : [on the phone] Liz, I gotta go. He looks like he just got hit by a bus. Ray : [walking into the room] I feel like I just got hit by a bus.
Jane : [on the phone] Liz, I gotta go. He looks like he just got hit by a bus. Ray : [walking into the room] I feel like I just got hit by a bus.
[Eddie shows Jane his apartment] Jane : Do we have to share a bathroom? Eddie : Oh no, I never ever use the bathroom.
[Eddie shows Jane his apartment] Jane : Do we have to share a bathroom? Eddie : Oh no, I never ever use the bathroom.
Jane : What are you thinking? Eddie : I'm thinking the same thing you are, Jane. You and Ray are gonna' live happily ever after with matching volvos and chocolate labs. See you Monday. Jane : Did you have *any* friends growing up? Eddie : You better hurry. I think he's waiting around the corner.
Jane : What are you thinking? Eddie : I'm thinking the same thing you are, Jane. You and Ray are gonna' live happily ever after with matching volvos and chocolate labs. See you Monday. Jane : Did you have *any* friends growing up? Eddie : You better hurry. I think he's waiting around the corner.
Jane : Eddie, did you ever find a roommate? Eddie : Well, no actually. Ray : You're moving in with Eddie? Jane : [to Eddie] Because the place I was supposed to move into just suddenly fell apart and I was wondering if the offer was still good. Ray : You're moving in with Eddie? Jane : [to Ray] Maybe. [to Eddie] Jane : What's it like? Eddie : 2 bedroom lof...
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Jane : Eddie, did you ever find a roommate? Eddie : Well, no actually. Ray : You're moving in with Eddie? Jane : [to Eddie] Because the place I was supposed to move into just suddenly fell apart and I was wondering if the offer was still good. Ray : You're moving in with Eddie? Jane : [to Ray] Maybe. [to Eddie] Jane : What's it like? Eddie : 2 bedroom loft, big kitchen, lots of windows... Jane : Sounds amazing. When can I see it? Eddie : How about tonight? Jane : Perfect. Everything is just perfect.
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Jane : This is key to understanding the myth of male shyness. For while you think he is flattering you, he is actually flattering himself. Showing how open and honest and sensitive he is.
Jane : This is key to understanding the myth of male shyness. For while you think he is flattering you, he is actually flattering himself. Showing how open and honest and sensitive he is.
Eddie : [handing earrings to Nina] Nina, you left these in my bathroom. Jane : You don't waste any time, do you? Eddie : Cynic. Jane : Slut.
Eddie : [handing earrings to Nina] Nina, you left these in my bathroom. Jane : You don't waste any time, do you? Eddie : Cynic. Jane : Slut.
Jane : You know, that's why God invented turtlenecks. Eddie : No, that's why God invented Darlene.
Jane : You know, that's why God invented turtlenecks. Eddie : No, that's why God invented Darlene.
Liz : Why feed me all that romantic bullshit if he's just gonna cheat on me? Jane : Two words: Coppulatory Imperative. Liz : Excuse me? Jane : The biological urge to spread their seed. The truth is only 15% of all male animals are monogomous. The rest are... Liz : Plucking Penelope Pope.
Liz : Why feed me all that romantic bullshit if he's just gonna cheat on me? Jane : Two words: Coppulatory Imperative. Liz : Excuse me? Jane : The biological urge to spread their seed. The truth is only 15% of all male animals are monogomous. The rest are... Liz : Plucking Penelope Pope.
Liz : So I call him up to say good night and guess who answers the phone 1AM PARIS TIME? Penelope Pope! Jane : Who's Penelope Pope? Liz : I don't know, but that's what she said when I asked "Who the FUCK is this?"
Liz : So I call him up to say good night and guess who answers the phone 1AM PARIS TIME? Penelope Pope! Jane : Who's Penelope Pope? Liz : I don't know, but that's what she said when I asked "Who the FUCK is this?"
Jane : Do you promise not to laugh? Eddie : No.
Jane : Do you promise not to laugh? Eddie : No.
Liz : [referring to Ray's girlfriend] If he mentions her, just smile politely and change the subject. Jane : Why? Liz : Because if you bring her up, he's gonna feel pushed and resentful. This way it's like, no pressure. I'm happy. I'm healthy, getting sex other places. Liz : Lizzie, where do you get this stuff? Jane : snagmen.com, it's very informative.
Liz : [referring to Ray's girlfriend] If he mentions her, just smile politely and change the subject. Jane : Why? Liz : Because if you bring her up, he's gonna feel pushed and resentful. This way it's like, no pressure. I'm happy. I'm healthy, getting sex other places. Liz : Lizzie, where do you get this stuff? Jane : snagmen.com, it's very informative.
[last lines] Jane : So you're saying? Eddie : What've we got to lose? Jane : Everything. Eddie : Exactly.
[last lines] Jane : So you're saying? Eddie : What've we got to lose? Jane : Everything. Eddie : Exactly.
Jane : She's D. Diane - Diane is D. Eddie : Yes, D is for Diane. E is for Eddie.
Jane : She's D. Diane - Diane is D. Eddie : Yes, D is for Diane. E is for Eddie.
Ray : What's that they say about the love of a good woman? Jane : [narrating] That once offered, it's guaranteed to come back and bite her in the ass.
Ray : What's that they say about the love of a good woman? Jane : [narrating] That once offered, it's guaranteed to come back and bite her in the ass.
Jane : Man, She really did a number on you didn't she? Well, don't shit on my broken heart just because you converted to some warped brand of romantic atheism! Eddie : It's called self-preservation. Jane : Oh, in other words, your narcotize yourself with casual sex.
Jane : Man, She really did a number on you didn't she? Well, don't shit on my broken heart just because you converted to some warped brand of romantic atheism! Eddie : It's called self-preservation. Jane : Oh, in other words, your narcotize yourself with casual sex.
Jane : Of all the things you said to me that night, the thing that scared me the most was that I would find it again. Because I have. [beat] Jane : Will you say something? Eddie : No. [walks over and kisses her]
Jane : Of all the things you said to me that night, the thing that scared me the most was that I would find it again. Because I have. [beat] Jane : Will you say something? Eddie : No. [walks over and kisses her]
Jane : There are few things sadder in this life than watching someone walk away after they've left you, watching the distance between your bodies expand until there's nothing... but empty space and silence.
Jane : There are few things sadder in this life than watching someone walk away after they've left you, watching the distance between your bodies expand until there's nothing... but empty space and silence.
Jane : I mean, c'mon! I was comparing men to animals!... Which, let's face it, sometimes they are. But sometimes, they are not. Sometimes, you open the barn door, or the bedroom door, or the hospital room door, and you find the real thing. You find a guy that can sit with you when you're at your absolute worst, when your face looks like a punching bag and yo...
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Jane : I mean, c'mon! I was comparing men to animals!... Which, let's face it, sometimes they are. But sometimes, they are not. Sometimes, you open the barn door, or the bedroom door, or the hospital room door, and you find the real thing. You find a guy that can sit with you when you're at your absolute worst, when your face looks like a punching bag and you're elbow deep in Kleenex, and he can still look at you, and tell you that Ray is not the last man you're ever going to love.
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Jane : What is on your neck? Eddie : I bit myself shaving.
Jane : What is on your neck? Eddie : I bit myself shaving.
Eddie : It's over. Why can't you just let it go? Jane : I can't. Eddie : Why? Jane : Because I was happy. Because if this theory is wrong, men don't leave all women, Eddie. They leave me. Eddie : I know it hurts. I know. It's so hard to believe that something that wonderful can ever happen to us again, but it can.
Eddie : It's over. Why can't you just let it go? Jane : I can't. Eddie : Why? Jane : Because I was happy. Because if this theory is wrong, men don't leave all women, Eddie. They leave me. Eddie : I know it hurts. I know. It's so hard to believe that something that wonderful can ever happen to us again, but it can.
Jane Goodale
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