Gladstone Screwer : You don't have to move out, you know. It's a big bed. Matron : Well as I told you earlier today, I'm not your sort of woman. Gladstone Screwer : I don't mean anything nasty. I'll marry you first. Matron : Marry me? Are you mad? Marry me in the middle of the night? Gladstone Screwer : Where I come from it's a very simple ceremony. [He produced a knife. Matron screams]  Gladstone Screwer : It's all right, nothing to worry about. We just make a quick cut in each other's left hand, put them together, say "We are one" and it's all legal. Matron : Oh... I see... sort of instant wedlock? Gladstone Screwer : That's it. Only out there they call it a bleedin' ceremony. Matron : Yes, they often call it that here too. Gladstone Screwer : Right, are you ready then? Matron : No! I have no urge to marry you. Gladstone Screwer : Oh, don't worry about that. The urge comes later!

Matron : I'm sorry doctor but I cannot stay with that man any longer. Dr. Jimmy Nookey : Why, what happened? Matron : I'd rather not say. All they think about is whisky and sex. Dr. Jimmy Nookey : Well where he comes from they can't get soda.

Gladstone Screwer : I'll call you "Sunday". Matron : Well, I won't be in.