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Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Carl, Lou, Comic Book Guy, Apu, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Cletus, Carl Carlson, Kirk Van Houten...
Chief Wiggum : Why are the pretty ones always insane?
Chief Wiggum : Why are the pretty ones always insane?
Moe : William Faulkner could write an exhaust-pipe joke that would really make you think.
Moe : William Faulkner could write an exhaust-pipe joke that would really make you think.
Moe : [playing the lead of his own spinoff] I'm so desperately lonely. [the studio audience erupts into laughter]
Moe : [playing the lead of his own spinoff] I'm so desperately lonely. [the studio audience erupts into laughter]
Professor Frink : I was trying to spare the child's feelings you insensitive clod.
Professor Frink : I was trying to spare the child's feelings you insensitive clod.
Chief Wiggum : Esquilax!
Chief Wiggum : Esquilax!
Superintendent Chalmers : [tractored from behind by Bart] I was going to make you Deputy Superintendent, but now that plum goes to Holloway! Principal Skinner : Holloway? But he's a drunk! Superintendent Chalmers : And a pill-popper! And what is a Dinner Lady doing posing as a Nurse? Lunchlady Doris : I get two paychecks this way. Superintendent Chalmers : ...
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Superintendent Chalmers : [tractored from behind by Bart] I was going to make you Deputy Superintendent, but now that plum goes to Holloway! Principal Skinner : Holloway? But he's a drunk! Superintendent Chalmers : And a pill-popper! And what is a Dinner Lady doing posing as a Nurse? Lunchlady Doris : I get two paychecks this way. Superintendent Chalmers : D'oh.
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Marge : [Blind date] Please, don't be a freak. Captain McCallister : [singing in the dark] Met her on the Mountain! There I took her life! Met her on the Mountain! Stabbed her with my Knife!
Marge : [Blind date] Please, don't be a freak. Captain McCallister : [singing in the dark] Met her on the Mountain! There I took her life! Met her on the Mountain! Stabbed her with my Knife!
Carl : To the special magic, that comes from inside, that is Guy Stuff! Moe : Yeah, I would say I love you but I don't want to say it and you don't want to hear it! Lenny : To Nothing! [Clink]
Carl : To the special magic, that comes from inside, that is Guy Stuff! Moe : Yeah, I would say I love you but I don't want to say it and you don't want to hear it! Lenny : To Nothing! [Clink]
Moe : My Doctor says it's best that I don't sleep.
Moe : My Doctor says it's best that I don't sleep.
Moe : How can they be playing Quidditch when four of the seven Horcruxes are still unfound?
Moe : How can they be playing Quidditch when four of the seven Horcruxes are still unfound?
Homer : [Pinchy is nipped by a crab] Hey! You don't have to take that from a punk-ass crab! What's wrong with you? Captain McCallister : Arrr, it's not his fault he's a sissy. Someone's been coddling him. Marge : Don't look at me! I wanted to eat him! Captain McCallister : Sorry, it's usually the Mother. I run an academy for lobsters, we stress tough love a...
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Homer : [Pinchy is nipped by a crab] Hey! You don't have to take that from a punk-ass crab! What's wrong with you? Captain McCallister : Arrr, it's not his fault he's a sissy. Someone's been coddling him. Marge : Don't look at me! I wanted to eat him! Captain McCallister : Sorry, it's usually the Mother. I run an academy for lobsters, we stress tough love and discipline, if you want to try it. Marge : No! We're not sending the lobster to a snooty boarding school! Captain McCallister : Arr, then answer me this: do you have any loose change?
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Superintendent Chalmers : I do not belong here! I am not bald, I am balding! Why doesn't anyone respect the Ding? Principal Skinner : I respect the Ding, Sir! Superintendent Chalmers : What in God's name are you talking about?
Superintendent Chalmers : I do not belong here! I am not bald, I am balding! Why doesn't anyone respect the Ding? Principal Skinner : I respect the Ding, Sir! Superintendent Chalmers : What in God's name are you talking about?
Captain McCallister : You're the boy that does healing miracles, arrrrrren't ya? Bart : I don't do that anymore. I am no healer. Captain McCallister : Arrr. I guess I'll have to find someone else to help me with my crippling depression. [wanders away] Bart : And I thought he had it all.
Captain McCallister : You're the boy that does healing miracles, arrrrrren't ya? Bart : I don't do that anymore. I am no healer. Captain McCallister : Arrr. I guess I'll have to find someone else to help me with my crippling depression. [wanders away] Bart : And I thought he had it all.
Captain McCallister : All I want is a friend who's not a work-friend!
Captain McCallister : All I want is a friend who's not a work-friend!
Moe : [Homer is searching for his soul mate] I'm more of a well-wisher. Meaning that I don't wish you any specific harm.
Moe : [Homer is searching for his soul mate] I'm more of a well-wisher. Meaning that I don't wish you any specific harm.
Moe : Like my Uncle says, sooner or later everybody gets shot.
Moe : Like my Uncle says, sooner or later everybody gets shot.
Superintendent Chalmers : [Vaudeville] What I am asking you is "Who's on first?" Principal Skinner : A man called Hoo is on First Base, whose name confusingly sounds like the question "Who?" Superintendent Chalmers : Well, Seymour, you have ruined the Act. Ya sexless freak.
Superintendent Chalmers : [Vaudeville] What I am asking you is "Who's on first?" Principal Skinner : A man called Hoo is on First Base, whose name confusingly sounds like the question "Who?" Superintendent Chalmers : Well, Seymour, you have ruined the Act. Ya sexless freak.
Milhouse : [Disguised as Kirk] I'd like two milks, then tell us where babies come from. Moe : Well, in my case, my Mother was hit with a Voodoo Curse, I gestated for 15 months and came out backwards and on fire. Five days later my tail fell off. See? Good times.
Milhouse : [Disguised as Kirk] I'd like two milks, then tell us where babies come from. Moe : Well, in my case, my Mother was hit with a Voodoo Curse, I gestated for 15 months and came out backwards and on fire. Five days later my tail fell off. See? Good times.
Professor Frink : [Homer is a Chiropracter] Will this help my Sciatica? Homer : I don't know what that is, so I'm going to say "Yes!"
Professor Frink : [Homer is a Chiropracter] Will this help my Sciatica? Homer : I don't know what that is, so I'm going to say "Yes!"
Homer : And should I reveal any of the secrets entrusted to me, may my belly swell up and my head be plucked of all but two hairs... Moe : I think he should take a different Oath. Chief Stonecutter : We all take the same Oath!
Homer : And should I reveal any of the secrets entrusted to me, may my belly swell up and my head be plucked of all but two hairs... Moe : I think he should take a different Oath. Chief Stonecutter : We all take the same Oath!
Professor Frink : According to the Gas Chromatograph the Secret Ingredient to a Flaming Moe is... LOVE? Who's been screwing with this thing!
Professor Frink : According to the Gas Chromatograph the Secret Ingredient to a Flaming Moe is... LOVE? Who's been screwing with this thing!
Professor Frink : The Nobel Prize! It must be for my hammer which is also a screwdriver, which is mildly convenient. Lisa : Just for that? Professor Frink : It was a slow year.
Professor Frink : The Nobel Prize! It must be for my hammer which is also a screwdriver, which is mildly convenient. Lisa : Just for that? Professor Frink : It was a slow year.
Moe : We'll do this the same way they pick the Pope. Everyone take an egg from the jar, and whoever gets the black egg is the designated driver.
Moe : We'll do this the same way they pick the Pope. Everyone take an egg from the jar, and whoever gets the black egg is the designated driver.
Chief Wiggum : Take a last look at the unconditional love in your kid's eyes 'cos when he comes out it'll be gone!
Chief Wiggum : Take a last look at the unconditional love in your kid's eyes 'cos when he comes out it'll be gone!
Captain McCallister : I'll need three ships and fifty stout men. We'll sail around the Horn and return with spices and silk, the likes of which ye have never seen. Mr. Burns : We are building a CASINO. Captain McCallister : Aaaaarrr... Can you give me 5 minutes?
Captain McCallister : I'll need three ships and fifty stout men. We'll sail around the Horn and return with spices and silk, the likes of which ye have never seen. Mr. Burns : We are building a CASINO. Captain McCallister : Aaaaarrr... Can you give me 5 minutes?
Homer : Moe, it seems to me that everytime I drink too much something like this always happens. Maybe I should... Moe : [Cramming beer down Homer's throat] Yeah, take your medicine, you lush, ya.
Homer : Moe, it seems to me that everytime I drink too much something like this always happens. Maybe I should... Moe : [Cramming beer down Homer's throat] Yeah, take your medicine, you lush, ya.
Superintendent Chalmers : [On Grampa Simpson's advice, Bart has kissed Nikki] Today we are gathered to put a stop to something that would have been considered innocent 100 years ago, but which in today's litigious society has been blown completely out of proportion.
Superintendent Chalmers : [On Grampa Simpson's advice, Bart has kissed Nikki] Today we are gathered to put a stop to something that would have been considered innocent 100 years ago, but which in today's litigious society has been blown completely out of proportion.
Moe : You know, they say there's someone for everybody [on the other side of the World, Moe's Soulmate hangs herself]
Moe : You know, they say there's someone for everybody [on the other side of the World, Moe's Soulmate hangs herself]
Superintendent Chalmers : I'm a public servant, Seymour, I'm not allowed to use my own judgement in any way whatsoever.
Superintendent Chalmers : I'm a public servant, Seymour, I'm not allowed to use my own judgement in any way whatsoever.
Moe : I am so Not British! Don't let my pasty face and rotten teeth fool ya!
Moe : I am so Not British! Don't let my pasty face and rotten teeth fool ya!
Moe : Oh boy, it looks like it's suicide again for me.
Moe : Oh boy, it looks like it's suicide again for me.
Chief Wiggum : [shopping for his wife at a women's clothing store] My wife's looking for something that doesn't make her look like a horse, so, I'm gonna be here for a while
Chief Wiggum : [shopping for his wife at a women's clothing store] My wife's looking for something that doesn't make her look like a horse, so, I'm gonna be here for a while
Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Carl, Lou, Comic Book Guy, Apu, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Cletus, Carl Carlson, Kirk Van Houten...
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