Nick : Hey, are you into Abby? Simon : Me? No. No. I mean, she's great. She's cute, but she's just not really my type. And not because she's black. I love black women. Not, like, y'know, I have a thing for black women. I, I just... I just I love all women.

[drunkenly practicing in front of a mirror]  Simon : Hey, Bram, it's me, Jacques. Bram, I'm Jacques. Hey, Barack, it's me, Jacques. Why did I pick Jacques?

Simon : You... actually, uh, I did want to talk to you guys about something. Emily : What is it? Simon : [stammering]  Uh, well... Jack : Let me guess. You got somebody pregnant. No, you're pregnant. Simon : Yeah. Jack : I knew it! Simon : Yeah, I'm pregnant. Jack : I knew it. I mean, he's got that glow about him, babe. Simon : No, um... [struggles to get the words out]  Simon : I'm gay. [Emily and Jack are both quiet]  Emily : Honey... Simon : And I don't want you guys to think anything different. I'm still me... Emily : Of course you are, Simon. Jack : Yeah. So you're gay. Which one of your old girlfriends turned you? Was it the one with the big eyebrow or... Emily : Jack. Nora : Jesus Christ, dad, do you ever shut the hell up? Jack : I'm kidding. Nora : It's not funny! Jack : I'm kidding. Hey, Nora, open up your gift, please? [an embarrassed Jack exits the living room] 

Blue : Are you disappointed that it's me? Simon : [smiling]  No. [Simon leans in to kiss Blue] 

Simon : Did you know? Emily : I knew you had a secret. When you were little, you were so carefree. But these last few years, more and more, it almost like I can feel you holding your breath. I wanted to ask you about it, but I didn't wan to pry. Maybe I made a mistake. Simon : No. No, mom, you didn't make a mistake. Emily : Being gay is your thing. There are parts of it you have to go through alone. I hate that. As soon as you came out, you said, "Mom, I'm still me." I need you to hear this: You are still you, Simon. You are still the same son who I love to tease and who your father depends on for just about everything. And you're the same brother who always complements his sister on her food, even when it sucks. You get to exhale now, Simon. You get to be more you than you have been in... in a very long time. You deserve everything you want.

Simon : [after a fantasy]  Yeah, maybe not that gay.