Constable Slobotham : [Running into the police lab with Albert]  Here sarge, we've got a lead! Albert : This note was pushed through my letterbox [reading from the note]  Albert : If you want to know what happened to those girls, I can tell you. I am the cloakroom attendant in the One by the Park and you can see me any time, at my convenience. [hands the note to Bung]  Constable Slobotham : Do you think it's genuine, Sarge? Det Sgt. Bung : [Examining the note]  Interesting notepaper - perforated at both ends. Could be - Come on!

Albert : We felt like getting a bit of fresh air and that. Constable Slobotham : What's that? Det Sgt. Bung : Same as the other.

[Albert has just discovered the Mummy of King Rubbatiti]  Albert : Oh mummy! Det Sgt. Bung : It's only a mummy! Albert : A mummy? [Points to the mummy]  Albert : With a beard? Det Sgt. Bung : Well, they didn't just do it to women - men got pickled too!

Albert : Marvellous! But we're not looking for a house. We're looking for Doris. Det Sgt. Bung : I know, but this is right in the middle of the woods. They might have heard or seen something suspicious. We can't afford to leave any stone unturned. What's the name of this road, Slobotham ? Constable Slobotham : Avery Avenue. Det Sgt. Bung : Then we must explore Avery Avenue ! [Albert rolls his eyes] 

[Bung and Slobotham drag a protesting Albert into their office]  Det Sgt. Bung : Alright Mr Potter, where is it? Albert : Lummy, it's your police station - you ought to know!

Det Sgt. Bung : [Watching the revived Doris sit up]  I don't believe it! [Reaches out to her]  Albert : [Forcing Bung's hand away]  Don't you dare! Det Sgt. Bung : I only wanted to see if she was hard or soft!

Constable Slobotham : Just a minute Mr Potter, where were you last night? Albert : My bed. Constable Slobotham : Any witnesses to corroborate that? Albert : My landlady. Constable Slobotham : Who? Albert : She came up with a bottle. Constable Slobotham : Sounds like a pretty loose-living place you're lodging in. Albert : She always comes up with a hot water bottle. Constable Slobotham : Sarge, it's just possible he and the landlady are in collusion Albert : Don't be disgusting, she's over 60.

Det Sgt. Bung : A young lady has disappeared and we're anxious to trace her whereabouts. Dr. Watt : Oh? Whereabouts? Det Sgt. Bung : Hereabouts. Albert : At ten o'clock. Det Sgt. Bung : Or thereabouts. Constable Slobotham : In this vicinity. Det Sgt. Bung : Or roundabouts. Constable Slobotham : We're police officers. Albert : Or layabouts.

Constable Slobotham : Happen to know what Doris was wearing? Albert : Yes, a sort of white frilly jacket with a dark green jacket and a long green skirt. Det Sgt. Bung : Did you get that down. Albert : Oh no, as I said, I've only known her for a year. Det Sgt. Bung : I was talking to my assistant!