Daphne Barnes : Major, I do believe you're trying to get me sloshed. Maj. Leep : Heavens above, no! There's no need to. What I mean was... only a damn swine would try and get a girl drunk first. Daphne Barnes : First? Maj. Leep : Well it would be a damn waste of time getting her drunk afterwards.

[Linda's mother brings her cacti on holiday with her]  Linda Upmore : Mummy your not bringing them are you? Daphne Barnes : Well I can't leave them at home, they'll die. Arthur Upmore : Good. Daphne Barnes : Did you say something? Arthur Upmore : I said good, we've nearly finished packing. [Daphne asks the taxi driver who brought her plants to put them somewhere safe, but Arthur gets a prodd from the Cactus on his bottom]  Daphne Barnes : Put that on the table will you? Arthur Upmore : AHH! BLOODY HELL! Daphne Barnes : Arthur, there is no need for that! Arthur Upmore : Oh deary me, bless me soul, I do believe I nearly said a rude word, which is not suprising since I nearly got a cactus spike right up my a... Daphne Barnes : ARTHUR!