Reginald D. Hunter : You can't Outpoof me.

Reginald D. Hunter : [wearing a Poppy]  Is this about AIDS or somethin'?

Host : Anne Widdecome's clean, she's done no fiddling at all! [audience laughs]  Reginald D. Hunter : Looks like someone opened the Innuendo Jar! Paul Merton : Yeah, I wonder who that was, Reg! Reginald D. Hunter : That was not Innuendo! That was full frontal talking about having sex with Mike Tyson! Paul Merton : As you've stated bravely and boldly.

Michael Aspel : In removing the mask Carter broke the body into 18 pieces. Reginald D. Hunter : Good God A'mighty! Michael Aspel : According to the Mail, by the time Carter's team had finished King Tut had been decapitated, his torso cut in two, the arms and legs detached, and the pelvis separated from the trunk. Reginald D. Hunter : It's like he went to a Millwall football match!

Reginald D. Hunter : Every year some dumb little white girl on Big Brother gets made the poster child for racism in this country. It's about context, they were friends, but Channel 4 didn't have no balls and caved to public pressure. If the white girl had been wearing a Police Officer's uniform... Ian Hislop : Is this "Nigger" and "Poofter"? Paul Merton : No, they're "Michael" and "Reginald". Let's not get too informal! Ian Hislop : It's context, Paul, we're friends!

Michael Aspel : What did Howard Carter do when he first found the tomb? Sara Cox : Didn't he like wrench it open really roughly? Reginald D. Hunter : Didn't he die horribly, years later? The Curse of King Kong? Ian Hislop : You've done the same History Course as Sara! Reginald D. Hunter : I come out of that fine American Education System...

Michael Aspel : The study found that women sway their hips less when they want to conceive. Sara, you're a woman and pregnant...? Sara Cox : Actually, I was born with a dislocated hip so I sort of wobble. I don't know about swaying, but look at me, it does the job. Reginald D. Hunter : I bet that Paul McCartney would like you.

Michael Aspel : Ben Jones and a team from Aberdeen University found that simply smiling and looking directly into the beholder's eye is enough to make one appear eight times more attractive. Reginald D. Hunter : Except in England, where it makes you "look like a nutter"

Reginald D. Hunter : I got no respect for the concept of Batman, based on my understanding of politics and that. Bill Bailey : I'm sorry, what? What? Reginald D. Hunter : Let me break it down for you: Batman is this high-powered millionaire, got all this technology, and he only use it on street-level crime. He don't focus on the Murdochs, Trump, Corporate, White-Collar crime, he only care about the purse-snatcher on the street! Batman is a Conservative's Wetdream. Fuck Batman!

Michael Aspel : The Big Brother Contestant said "Are you pushing it out, nigger?" Paul Merton : What does "Pushing it out" mean, Ian? Ian Hislop : "Pushing it out"... is expressing enthusiasm... in dance form. Reginald D. Hunter : When the Revolution comes, I'm gonna tell them to leave you alone!

Kirsty Wark : [Nigel Farage's Claridges Gaffe]  I think it's interesting that he's against breastfeeding when we have Page 3 in the Sun, which presumably he's for? Ian Hislop : As a personal freedom issue, yes. Kirsty Wark : As opposed to breastfeeding in Hotel Lobbies? Ian Hislop : Which is down to taste! [laughter, applause]  Reginald D. Hunter : Did he say that? That he was against Page 3? Ian Hislop : We haven't asked him. Reginald D. Hunter : I'm not rooting for the guy. It's just he fucks up so often you don't need to be making stuff up!

Martin Clunes : What Literary Award have you just won? Kirsty Wark : The Bad Sex Award! Ian Hislop : The Bad Sex Award? Kirsty Wark : Sorry, the Bad Sex in Literature Award! Reginald D. Hunter : I was going to say, you took winning that quite well! Paul Merton : You won that first award, too, though, didn't you?

Reginald D. Hunter : I often start talking in a Southern American accent. I was talking to this lady the other night and she found out I was a comedian and said "Oh, what do you know about Tommy Cooper", and I said "He dead". She said "Sorry, I must be terribly British and correct your grammar, I think you'll find it's "He died"". I said "At first he died, but now he dead!"