George Michael Bluth : What's with Steve Holt and your mom? Maebe : Oh, I gave him the impression that she was a tranny.

Steve Holt : [reading the cast list for Tobais's play]  STEVE HOLT. Maebe : STEVE HOLT. George Michael Bluth : I'm a stand-in for... Steve Holt : [interrupting]  STEVE HOLT.

Lindsay Funke : [discussing Michael's dislike of George Michael's girlfriend]  You know, maybe if you stopped judging her, he'd trust you. Look, if you say no, you're just going to drive him right to her. George Michael Bluth : Hey, Dad, can you drive me to Ann's? Michael : Nnnn... Y-Y-Y-Y-Yes. George Michael Bluth : Great. I'll wait in the car. Michael : I don't think that worked.

George Michael Bluth : [after hearing that Steve Holt and Lindsay have a lunch date]  Steve Holt? I thought you liked him. Maebe : I do, I'm crazy about him. He only talks to her because he thinks she has a penis. Oh, I told him that she was a tranny.

George Michael : Yeah, Ann loves eggs. Sometimes, she puts mayonnaise in her mouth, then she puts the egg in there and does this [Imitates pushing an egg around in his mouth]  George Michael : She calls it a "mayonegg!" George Michael : [pause]  [to Michael]  George Michael : Are you ok? Michael : Yeah, I don't feel so good.

George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth : [walks in on George-Michael kissing his cousin, Maeby]  Dad's going to be crushed. George Michael Bluth : [nervously]  You don't have to tell him!

George Michael Bluth : Don't you always say "family first"? Michael : Yes, I do. But that is not a family. Okay? They're a bunch of greedy, selfish people who have our nose. And Aunt Lindsay. George Michael Bluth : She's not my real aunt? Michael : Not her real nose. Got a picture of her when she was 14 in a swimming cap. She looks like a falcon.

Michael : That cousin of yours is a smart girl... Its too bad you can't date her. George Michael Bluth : No, I was talk... You mean, you wouldn't have a problem with that? [Michael looks at him funny]  George Michael Bluth : ...Nothing.

George Michael Bluth : I have Pop Pop in the attic. Michael Bluth : The mere fact that you call making love "Pop Pop" tells me that you're not ready.

Mae 'Maebe' Funke : It all adds up. He stole somebody's hair, made a wig, knocked out the guard, tunneled his way through a sewer line, and then stopped to get a candied apple on his way to Mexico. George Michael Bluth : Of course. [pause]  George Michael Bluth : You're mocking me. Mae 'Maebe' Funke : Of course.

[getting off the phone with George Sr]  Michael : What'd he say? George Michael : Well, if I clean it up, it really isn't a sentence.

George Michael Bluth : Oh, my God. It's your mom and gangee. Mae 'Maebe' Funke : What are they doing here? George Michael Bluth : They're adults. They're allowed to have fun whenever they want. We're kids, we're supposed to work.

[answering the phone]  George Michael : [very quickly]  Bluth-Company-George-Michael-speaking-not-Kitty.

[on the phone]  George Michael : Hello, Bluth Company. [Listens]  George Michael : Talk you off? Talk you off what, Pop-Pop? George Sr. : Oh, George Michael. I thought you were - when's that voice gonna drop?

[George Michael and Maeby are searching through the Bluth company files illegally]  George Michael : Fingerprints? You said they wouldn't be taking fingerprints. Maebe : No, I said don't wear your mittens.

Mae 'Maebe' Funke : You and I are so different. It's like we're not even related. [she leaves]  George Michael Bluth : That would be amazing.

George Michael Bluth : [George Michael is finishing a eulogy for George Sr]  I'll be bringing you some salmon rolls real soon. George Sr. : [watching from the attic]  How many times I gotta tell this kid chicken wings?

Mae 'Maebe' Funke : Do you remember that French film we snuck into? Dangerous Cousins? George Michael Bluth : No, actually, I dont remember it. Narrator : In fact, George Michael knew the movie very well. He currently had a copy of the DVD hidden in his sock drawer.

George Michael Bluth : I came to talk to you about the softball game. We need some girls on the team this year. Michael Bluth : It's a league requirement. Narrator : One that was difficult to keep, given GOB's behavior in the third inning of last year's game. [shows GOB lying on top of a woman]  Narrator : And in the fifth. [shows GOB following one of the female players]  Narrator : Oh, and before the game. [shows GOB pouring water over the female players]  Michael Bluth : We lost our entire outfield and a couple of court cases.

George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth : [turning a twenty into... ]  Monopoly. You don't have it, do you? George Michael : Yeah, actually. George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth : Well, that's good, cuz this one is missing a lot of pieces. [drives off on his Segway]  George Michael : Uh, Uncle GOB, the twenty? George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth : A magician never reveals his secrets. George Michael : I don't need the secret, I need... [GOB is gone]  George Michael : Wow, that's so much like stealing.

George Michael Bluth : [George Michael is in love with his ethics teacher]  I don't want to let down Miss Baerly. She's nice, you know? Lindsay Funke : She's interesting... and pretty? George Michael Bluth : Well, I don't know why I'm telling you this. I guess there's just some things you can't always say to your dad. Lindsay Funke : Ah. sounds like you'd like her to be more than just your teacher. Narrator : Lindsay believed that George Michael wanted to fix up his father so he could fill the role of his mother. Lindsay Funke : There's nothing wrong with that. Although... I must say I'm a little hurt that you haven't considered me. George Michael Bluth : You're my aunt. Lindsay Funke : That doesn't matter. Aunts can fill that role. Teachers can fill that role. And, someday, you're going to find the right woman to fill that role. But until then... I'll be right across the hall. Narrator : Lindsay had never been more proud of anything she had said in her entire life. George Michael Bluth : Yikes.

George Michael Bluth : Say what you want about America, thirteen bucks still gets you a hell of a lot of mice!

[upon seeing GOB's banana stand "mascots"]  George Michael : Are those strippers? Michael : If I know your uncle, they're at least strippers.

Tobias Fünke : I don't do nudity. [holding up a pair of cut-off jeans]  Tobias Fünke : Why do you think I wear these? George Michael : I was never really clear on that.

Michael : What do you think of when you hear the name, "Sudden Valley"? George Michael Bluth : Salad dressing. But for some reason, I don't want to eat it. Michael : What about, "Paradise Gardens"? George Michael Bluth : Yeah... I can see marinating a chicken from that.

Michael : I'm sure Egg is a great person. George Michael Bluth : It's... it's Ann.

Tobias Fünke : Don't leave your uncle T-Bag hanging. George Michael Bluth : Please don't call yourself that.

Gob : Steve Holt's not my son. George Michael Bluth : Steve Holt? What, the moron jock? Gob : That's my son, you pothead.