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Lucille Bluth
Lucille : Oscar says that this walk, "Recharges his chi." I call it, "An excuse for him to score more pot and wave his ass at the co-eds".
Lucille : Oscar says that this walk, "Recharges his chi." I call it, "An excuse for him to score more pot and wave his ass at the co-eds".
Lucille Bluth : You'd think a man locked up in prison would able to abstain. Your father with his disgusting tweaking. I couldn't breast feed any of you kids because of that man. [Everyone cringes] Barry Zuckerkorn : They still look fabulous.
Lucille Bluth : You'd think a man locked up in prison would able to abstain. Your father with his disgusting tweaking. I couldn't breast feed any of you kids because of that man. [Everyone cringes] Barry Zuckerkorn : They still look fabulous.
[Lindsay walks into the Ten Commandments and breaks her shoe] Lucille : They're just heels, honey. They can only support so much weight.
[Lindsay walks into the Ten Commandments and breaks her shoe] Lucille : They're just heels, honey. They can only support so much weight.
Lucille : [talking to the press about her husband] The media has him out to be some sort of mastermind, which believe me he's not. The man can barely work our shredder.
Lucille : [talking to the press about her husband] The media has him out to be some sort of mastermind, which believe me he's not. The man can barely work our shredder.
[after being declined entrance in to a high end restaurant] Lindsay Funke : Let's just go, I've suddenly lost my appetite. Lucille Bluth : Oh, who's gonna believe that?
[after being declined entrance in to a high end restaurant] Lindsay Funke : Let's just go, I've suddenly lost my appetite. Lucille Bluth : Oh, who's gonna believe that?
Oscar : [Oscar grabs onto the dashboard] The car. George Sr. : [Passing by George Sr] Up yours Granny. Lucille : You couldn't handle it.
Oscar : [Oscar grabs onto the dashboard] The car. George Sr. : [Passing by George Sr] Up yours Granny. Lucille : You couldn't handle it.
Lucille : You're HIGH! Oscar : You're DRUNK!
Lucille : You're HIGH! Oscar : You're DRUNK!
Lucille : Start the bidding at $10,000. If the bidding increases, shout out something like "I get her 364 days a year for free.". Michael : I'm not going to say that.
Lucille : Start the bidding at $10,000. If the bidding increases, shout out something like "I get her 364 days a year for free.". Michael : I'm not going to say that.
Lucille : She's trying to prove that she's closer to my children than I am, but the joke's on her, because she doesn't know how little I care for GOB. Michael : I think that makes the joke on GOB.
Lucille : She's trying to prove that she's closer to my children than I am, but the joke's on her, because she doesn't know how little I care for GOB. Michael : I think that makes the joke on GOB.
Lucille : [upon discovering Lupe in bed with Buster] [to Lupe] Lucille : And yet you're too busy to polish the candlesticks? You're fired. Buster : You can't fire me, I'm your son. I'm firing you. Lucille : I was firing Lupe. Buster : O-oh, that makes more sense.
Lucille : [upon discovering Lupe in bed with Buster] [to Lupe] Lucille : And yet you're too busy to polish the candlesticks? You're fired. Buster : You can't fire me, I'm your son. I'm firing you. Lucille : I was firing Lupe. Buster : O-oh, that makes more sense.
Lucille : Buster. Thank God you're back. There's no shame in being a coward. Buster : A coward? I'm not a coward. Would I coward have THIS? [holds out a stuffed seal] Lucille : What the hell is that? Buster : These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship and the gorilla is for sand racing.
Lucille : Buster. Thank God you're back. There's no shame in being a coward. Buster : A coward? I'm not a coward. Would I coward have THIS? [holds out a stuffed seal] Lucille : What the hell is that? Buster : These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship and the gorilla is for sand racing.
Lucille : I heard about the banana stand and now there's been a break-in. But I have a surprise for whoever it is if he comes back. [holds up an air horn and a fire poker] Lucille : First I blow him, then I poke him. Michael : Guy has no idea what he's in for.
Lucille : I heard about the banana stand and now there's been a break-in. But I have a surprise for whoever it is if he comes back. [holds up an air horn and a fire poker] Lucille : First I blow him, then I poke him. Michael : Guy has no idea what he's in for.
Lucille Bluth : Supposedly, Luz had to take her daughter to the hospital. That's Lupe, her sister. Michael Bluth : I hope she's okay... Lucille Bluth : She's awful. Can barely wash a dish. [Lucille sees Lupe cleaning the inside of the fireplace] Lucille Bluth : Uh oh. She better not walk through here after she's been in there. [to Lupe] Lucille Bluth : Tel...
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Lucille Bluth : Supposedly, Luz had to take her daughter to the hospital. That's Lupe, her sister. Michael Bluth : I hope she's okay... Lucille Bluth : She's awful. Can barely wash a dish. [Lucille sees Lupe cleaning the inside of the fireplace] Lucille Bluth : Uh oh. She better not walk through here after she's been in there. [to Lupe] Lucille Bluth : Tell me you've got an exit strategy. Michael Bluth : [chiding her] Mother... Lucille Bluth : Oh, please. They didn't sneak into this country to be your friends.
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Lindsay Funke : Barry, did you talk to a doctor? Barry Zuckerkorn : I did. I have poison oak. Do you believe it? How the hell did I get that? [Cut to a shot of a rest area] Lucille Bluth : She was talking about George. Barry Zuckerkorn : Oh, he's the same. Look, I guess we should decide on who's going to speak for the family. I would, but I have Laker ticke...
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Lindsay Funke : Barry, did you talk to a doctor? Barry Zuckerkorn : I did. I have poison oak. Do you believe it? How the hell did I get that? [Cut to a shot of a rest area] Lucille Bluth : She was talking about George. Barry Zuckerkorn : Oh, he's the same. Look, I guess we should decide on who's going to speak for the family. I would, but I have Laker tickets. [Cut to a shot of the rest area]
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Lucille Bluth : I'll be in the hospital bar. Michael Bluth : Uhh, you know, there isn't a hospital bar, mother. Lucille Bluth : Well, this is why people hate hospitals.
Lucille Bluth : I'll be in the hospital bar. Michael Bluth : Uhh, you know, there isn't a hospital bar, mother. Lucille Bluth : Well, this is why people hate hospitals.
Michael : G. O. B., you've found a woman who believes in you. You should make a commitment to her because life is short. Listen to me. I would give anything to be able to have that again, you know? A family. Nothing else matters. Lucille : Michael? Michael : It's Mom. Hide. Gob : You brought up money earlier. I actually would like to borrow some. Michael : N...
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Michael : G. O. B., you've found a woman who believes in you. You should make a commitment to her because life is short. Listen to me. I would give anything to be able to have that again, you know? A family. Nothing else matters. Lucille : Michael? Michael : It's Mom. Hide. Gob : You brought up money earlier. I actually would like to borrow some. Michael : No. Lucille : Michael? Gob : He's in here, Mom. Michael : Come on.
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Barry Zuckerkorn : It would help if you all showed up, looking like a loving, supportive family. Lucille : For how long? Barry Zuckerkorn : Ten minutes tops. Lucille : See if you can get it down to five.
Barry Zuckerkorn : It would help if you all showed up, looking like a loving, supportive family. Lucille : For how long? Barry Zuckerkorn : Ten minutes tops. Lucille : See if you can get it down to five.
Lucille : I don't want to leave Buster alone with all the J-U-I-C-E. Buster : I can spell, Mother; you spelled juice. Lucille : What a genius. Let's see you find it.
Lucille : I don't want to leave Buster alone with all the J-U-I-C-E. Buster : I can spell, Mother; you spelled juice. Lucille : What a genius. Let's see you find it.
Michael Bluth : Why are you squeezing me with your body? Lucille Bluth : It's a hug, Michael. I'm hugging you.
Michael Bluth : Why are you squeezing me with your body? Lucille Bluth : It's a hug, Michael. I'm hugging you.
Lucille Bluth : I'm going to Annyong's soccer awards ceremony, and... Annyong : Annyong. [everyone glares at Annyong] Lucille Bluth : ...and I don't need the other soccer moms knowing how old my first batch of kids are. Gob : Yeah, I think that they're gonna know that Annyong's not... Annyong : Annyong. Gob : [screaming] ... would somebody *please* tell th...
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Lucille Bluth : I'm going to Annyong's soccer awards ceremony, and... Annyong : Annyong. [everyone glares at Annyong] Lucille Bluth : ...and I don't need the other soccer moms knowing how old my first batch of kids are. Gob : Yeah, I think that they're gonna know that Annyong's not... Annyong : Annyong. Gob : [screaming] ... would somebody *please* tell this insufferable child to... GOD.
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[re:Carl Weathers] Lucille : Guess who's coming to dinner?
[re:Carl Weathers] Lucille : Guess who's coming to dinner?
Lucille Bluth : Did that Mexican girlfriend of yours kick you out? Gob : She's not "*that* Mexican," Mom, she's "*my* Mexican." And she's Colombian or something.
Lucille Bluth : Did that Mexican girlfriend of yours kick you out? Gob : She's not "*that* Mexican," Mom, she's "*my* Mexican." And she's Colombian or something.
[after Lucille gives Maeby a jeweled elephant brooch that Lindsay was supposed to inherit] Lindsay Funke : That was supposed to be for me. She was my au pair. I'm the one who cleared my throat and pointed to the laundry room. Ma. You know I wanted that. Lucille Bluth : I know. But it's an elephant and I didn't want to invite the comparison.
[after Lucille gives Maeby a jeweled elephant brooch that Lindsay was supposed to inherit] Lindsay Funke : That was supposed to be for me. She was my au pair. I'm the one who cleared my throat and pointed to the laundry room. Ma. You know I wanted that. Lucille Bluth : I know. But it's an elephant and I didn't want to invite the comparison.
Michael : [At Police Station, on phone to Lucille] They're keeping me over night while I wait for my arraignment. I'd appreciate it if you could tell my son that I'm on a business trip. Lucille : Why can't the girl at work do it? Michael : Tobias? I sent him on a date with Kitty to keep her off our backs. Lucille : Well, you better hope Lindsay doesn't find...
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Michael : [At Police Station, on phone to Lucille] They're keeping me over night while I wait for my arraignment. I'd appreciate it if you could tell my son that I'm on a business trip. Lucille : Why can't the girl at work do it? Michael : Tobias? I sent him on a date with Kitty to keep her off our backs. Lucille : Well, you better hope Lindsay doesn't find out. She'll be devastated. Lindsay Funke : [Enters room] Find out what? Lucille : Your husband's dating Kitty, the whore. Lindsay Funke : He is? That's horrible. [Exits] Lucille : [to Michael] Do I know my daughter?
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Lucille : Oh, George, I should have never doubted you. Even when you slept with my sister it was for a good reason. George Sr. : Got her to stop drinking, didn't it?
Lucille : Oh, George, I should have never doubted you. Even when you slept with my sister it was for a good reason. George Sr. : Got her to stop drinking, didn't it?
Lucille : [after beating Kitty at a drinking contest] I've got to get back to rehab. Man at Bar : [in background] SHE'S IN REHAB. [people cheer]
Lucille : [after beating Kitty at a drinking contest] I've got to get back to rehab. Man at Bar : [in background] SHE'S IN REHAB. [people cheer]
Lucille : [after Michael and GOB switch coolers containing evidence and Kitty gets a hold of them] THERE WERE 250 CCs OF YOUR FATHER'S SEMEN IN THE COOLER IN THE BANANA STAND. Michael : No touching.
Lucille : [after Michael and GOB switch coolers containing evidence and Kitty gets a hold of them] THERE WERE 250 CCs OF YOUR FATHER'S SEMEN IN THE COOLER IN THE BANANA STAND. Michael : No touching.
Narrator : And back at the penthouse, Lucille was praying for the second time in her life. Lucille : Lord, let Buster forget everything. And if you need to take another hand to make that happen, please make it G.O.B.'s.
Narrator : And back at the penthouse, Lucille was praying for the second time in her life. Lucille : Lord, let Buster forget everything. And if you need to take another hand to make that happen, please make it G.O.B.'s.
Oscar : [Oscar grabs onto the dashboard] The car. George Sr. : Up yours Granny. Lucille : You couldn't handle it.
Oscar : [Oscar grabs onto the dashboard] The car. George Sr. : Up yours Granny. Lucille : You couldn't handle it.
Lucille : The company is in danger. Michael : What tipped you off? The falling profit margins or the fact that we're a regular feature on Bill O'Reilly's most ridiculous item of the day?
Lucille : The company is in danger. Michael : What tipped you off? The falling profit margins or the fact that we're a regular feature on Bill O'Reilly's most ridiculous item of the day?
Lucille : Michael Moore confronted me on national television. Michael : First of all, that was not Michael Moore. That was a Michael Moore look-alike. And second it wasn't national television. It was for a bit, on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Lucille : I don't know what that is nor do I care to find out.
Lucille : Michael Moore confronted me on national television. Michael : First of all, that was not Michael Moore. That was a Michael Moore look-alike. And second it wasn't national television. It was for a bit, on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Lucille : I don't know what that is nor do I care to find out.
Lucille : [shrieking at a waiter] Take it back. If I wanted something your thumb touched I'd eat the inside of your ear.
Lucille : [shrieking at a waiter] Take it back. If I wanted something your thumb touched I'd eat the inside of your ear.
[Buster has shown up at his father's hearing with a mariachi band] Lucille : Oh, for God's sake. He's out of the house for two days and he joins a gang.
[Buster has shown up at his father's hearing with a mariachi band] Lucille : Oh, for God's sake. He's out of the house for two days and he joins a gang.
General Garvey : [Lucille is trying to get Buster out of combat by visiting the General, an old boyfriend of hers from her USO days] I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do. Lucille : Is there anything *I* can do? General Garvey : Well, maybe if you go? [leans back in his chair] General Garvey : ?downtown. Lucille : [grins] Oh, I haven't done that in thirty y...
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General Garvey : [Lucille is trying to get Buster out of combat by visiting the General, an old boyfriend of hers from her USO days] I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do. Lucille : Is there anything *I* can do? General Garvey : Well, maybe if you go? [leans back in his chair] General Garvey : ?downtown. Lucille : [grins] Oh, I haven't done that in thirty years. [pauses, then sings] Lucille : When you're alone and life is making you lonely you can always go downtown.
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Buster : Mom is becoming a little controlling. Michael : What tipped you off? When she locked you out on the balcony again? Buster : That was half my fault. I thought I saw a Graham Cracker out there. Michael : You baited the balcony? Lucille Bluth : Prove it.
Buster : Mom is becoming a little controlling. Michael : What tipped you off? When she locked you out on the balcony again? Buster : That was half my fault. I thought I saw a Graham Cracker out there. Michael : You baited the balcony? Lucille Bluth : Prove it.
Buster : Why should I have to sit and cheer Annyong? Annyong never cheers me. Annyong : Go Fatty. [Buster lunges at him and they fight] Lucille : Stop it. He's your little brother. Buster : No he isn't. I came out of you, he didn't.
Buster : Why should I have to sit and cheer Annyong? Annyong never cheers me. Annyong : Go Fatty. [Buster lunges at him and they fight] Lucille : Stop it. He's your little brother. Buster : No he isn't. I came out of you, he didn't.
Lucille : What's a Forget-Me-Now? Gob : They're pills that create a sort of temporary forgettingness. So if somebody finds out how you do a trick, you just give 'em one of these, and they forget the whole thing. It's a mainstay of the magician's toolkit, like how clowns always have a rag soaked in ether. Tobias Fünke : Gob, this is Flunitrazepam. It's a roof...
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Lucille : What's a Forget-Me-Now? Gob : They're pills that create a sort of temporary forgettingness. So if somebody finds out how you do a trick, you just give 'em one of these, and they forget the whole thing. It's a mainstay of the magician's toolkit, like how clowns always have a rag soaked in ether. Tobias Fünke : Gob, this is Flunitrazepam. It's a roofie. Lucille : Those are illegal. Gob : Shut up, Mom. Don't make me give you another one of these.
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Lucille : I bought it using the new unfrozen stock as soon as I received the memo. Michael Bluth : You mean, the memo that specifically told you not to sell? Lucille : Did it say that? I stopped after "unfrozen."
Lucille : I bought it using the new unfrozen stock as soon as I received the memo. Michael Bluth : You mean, the memo that specifically told you not to sell? Lucille : Did it say that? I stopped after "unfrozen."
Lindsay Funke : Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough. Lucille : Not as much as you enjoyed yours. You want the belt to buckle, not your chair. [server sets a dessert of Bananas Foster on fire] Lucille : You might want to let that fire go out before you stick your face in it. Lindsay Funke : That's funny, 'cause I was gonna say "You might w...
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Lindsay Funke : Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough. Lucille : Not as much as you enjoyed yours. You want the belt to buckle, not your chair. [server sets a dessert of Bananas Foster on fire] Lucille : You might want to let that fire go out before you stick your face in it. Lindsay Funke : That's funny, 'cause I was gonna say "You might wanna lean away from that fire since you're soaked in alcohol." Lucille : Mine was better.
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Lucille : You idiots. If your father sees me here with Wayne... Michael : ...we'll be stuck with Barry. Wayne Jarvis : I shall hide behind that garbage car. [and does just that] Michael : Guy's a pro.
Lucille : You idiots. If your father sees me here with Wayne... Michael : ...we'll be stuck with Barry. Wayne Jarvis : I shall hide behind that garbage car. [and does just that] Michael : Guy's a pro.
[repeated lines] Lucille : You're high. Oscar : You're drunk.
[repeated lines] Lucille : You're high. Oscar : You're drunk.
Narrator : For the first time, Lucille prays... Lucille : [Praying] Take something else from us. Do whatever you have to to keep my boy from going to war. Narrator : And Buster is on his way when he decides to pursue a long-delayed rite of passage... [Buster swims in the ocean] Person : Loose seal. Watch out for loose seal. Buster : [Thinking he means Luci...
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Narrator : For the first time, Lucille prays... Lucille : [Praying] Take something else from us. Do whatever you have to to keep my boy from going to war. Narrator : And Buster is on his way when he decides to pursue a long-delayed rite of passage... [Buster swims in the ocean] Person : Loose seal. Watch out for loose seal. Buster : [Thinking he means Lucille] I don't care about Lucille. She lies. Narrator : ...and then a seal bites off his hand. Lucille : Amen.
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Lucille : If you're suggesting I play favorites, you're wrong. I love all of my children equally. Lucille : [earlier that day] I don't care for Gob.
Lucille : If you're suggesting I play favorites, you're wrong. I love all of my children equally. Lucille : [earlier that day] I don't care for Gob.
Lucille : You tricked me. Michael : I *deceived* you. "Tricked" makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.
Lucille : You tricked me. Michael : I *deceived* you. "Tricked" makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.
Michael Bluth : [calling from prison, taking about his brother, Gob] I've got a nice hard cot with his name on it. Lucille : You would do that to your brother? Michael Bluth : I said "cot".
Michael Bluth : [calling from prison, taking about his brother, Gob] I've got a nice hard cot with his name on it. Lucille : You would do that to your brother? Michael Bluth : I said "cot".
Gob : [talking about his new boat] The Seaward. Michael : You're not getting a boat. Gob : [doing rock, paper, scissors] One, two, three. Michael : You're not gonna do it... [does rock] Michael : . Gob : Paper covers rock. Michael : Fine, but rock sinks boat. Lucille : [entering room] Michael. Michael : Just a minute mom. [to GOB] Michael : . Get rid of...
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Gob : [talking about his new boat] The Seaward. Michael : You're not getting a boat. Gob : [doing rock, paper, scissors] One, two, three. Michael : You're not gonna do it... [does rock] Michael : . Gob : Paper covers rock. Michael : Fine, but rock sinks boat. Lucille : [entering room] Michael. Michael : Just a minute mom. [to GOB] Michael : . Get rid of the Seaward. Lucille : I'll leave when I'm good and ready.
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Waitress : Plate or platter? Lucille : I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it.
Waitress : Plate or platter? Lucille : I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it.
Michael : Tell me the truth. There's been a lot of lying in this family Lucille : And a lot of love. Michael : More lies.
Michael : Tell me the truth. There's been a lot of lying in this family Lucille : And a lot of love. Michael : More lies.
Lucille Bluth
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