Chip Esten : [Newsflash - referring to the fact that Colin standing in front of video clips of himself]  Chip Esten : Now I notice you're not wearing sunglasses to cover up that incredible shine!

[Party Quirks - Chip is the host, Colin is an overly dramatic detective finding ridiculous clues to a murder, and Ryan is a bird trapped in the studio]  Colin Mochrie : [approaching Chip, pantomiming holding an object]  A featherduster. Chip Esten : Yes, I was dusting earlier... Colin Mochrie : A featherduster made by a Norwegian. It's all starting to make sense. [they both turn and stare at Ryan, who is using his water glass to mimic a toy drinking bird]  Chip Esten : No, it's not.

Drew Carey : Bad segues following tragic news stories. Chip Esten : ...and everyone died. Speaking of dying, I've been *dying* to see that new Bruce Willis flick! Wayne Brady : It was a big, big loss. Speaking of big, right after this, "The Drew Carey Show!" [everyone scowls]  Drew Carey : You are all gonna pay.

[Let's Make a Date]  Chip Esten : Bachelor number two, if I were a drink I believe I would be a margarita because I am tall... and... salty... and I... always have Tequila in me.

Chip Esten : [as a '50s teen rebel biker]  You looking at my hog? Don't look at my hog... or my motorcycle.

Drew Carey : For my next trick I'll need a female form the audience in about twenty minutes. Colin Mochrie : [laughing]  Twenty minutes. Chip Esten : [laughing]  Female.

Drew Carey : "First Drafts of famous movie lines" Ryan Stiles : Frankly Scarlett, I don't give a lamb... Wayne Brady : Miss Scarlett, I don't give a burden about no Teletubbies! Chip Esten : I'll be back in a couple of minutes, I have some things I have to do, I'll be right back... Colin Mochrie : Fredzilla! Fredzilla! Chip Esten : Luke, I'm your second uncle twice removed Drew Carey : Alrighty "World's Worst person to be stuck with at a party" Colin Mochrie : Fredzilla! Fredzilla!

Chip Esten : [Drunk Mother Hoedown]  Well, I knew Colin's mother / And let me tell you the truth / When she was nursing Colin / Her milk was 90 proof / She tried to kick the habit / She didn't know what to do / But if your baby looked like that / Then you'd be drinking too.

Chip Esten : [Hoedown - Men]  Men can be quite mean / Men can be quite bad / I'll bet you had a boyfriend / I'll bet he was a cad / I don't really like men myself / That I can tell / But my friend Ryan? / Well he thinks they're swell.

[scenes from a hat: What Drew Carey whispers in his date's ear]  Chip Esten : What's your name again? Ryan Stiles : Keep the change.

Ryan Stiles : [Body odor Hoedown]  Anybody wanna have- wanna have a- go to the bathroom, come back in... [Sits down on the step]  Chip Esten : [Starts Yodeling]  Ryan Stiles : I'm faced out. I can't do shit. Drew Carey : I've got one. Ryan Stiles : Why don't you come over here and do one. Drew Carey : [singing through Ryan]  I went on a date last night, it didn't really end well. She said she wouldn't kiss me cause I had a weird smell. I said come on baby, why don't you have a heart, sure I may have B.O. but at least I didn't fart!

Ryan Stiles : That disk just popped right back in! Chip Esten : I broke Ryan.

Drew Carey : So if you want to be on "Whose Line it is Anyway?" send a naked Polaroid of yourself to the care of 'Whose Line' Po Box: 175. Chip Esten : That's how I got on.